New Year Post

It's less than 3 hours away from 2016 and I'm going to spend the last few moments of 2015 writing what would be the most important post I've written yet..

2015 has been my toughest year so far, ain't gonna lie.

It's been the year of unravelling the dirty skeletons in my closet, which I have kept buried for years...only to find that the skeletons dissipated into ghost from the past, just waiting to haunt me.

The nightmare began when I knew I was utterly miserable at work with a job I couldn't cope with and what made it worse was when things were just as difficult (if not worse) at home.

I was slowly losing myself in the backdrop of many things - my dad's sudden death as well as me and my family's inability to cope with his passing (and us not realising it). The stress at home made me indulge myself at work but then when work got a bit too much, I didn't know where else to run to...and so it was a vicious cycle of unhappiness and discontentment....and this tiny heart could only take so much.

Everywhere I went, it seemed like everyone BUT me seem content and happy with their lives. I also have a tough time accepting some of the things that happened in my life which made me bitter in some respects.

I never gave myself the liberty to share my pain with anyone - I kept mum for the fear of looking weak - a habit I've picked up since childhood.

I never afforded enough trust to other people and instead, chose to block people out of my problems/weaknesses/difficult times and as usual, appear as the bubbly girl that I always appear to be when I'm out with friends or hanging out with relatives. Occasionally, when someone has a hint that something isn't right, I would shrug it off and make it seem like it's not a big deal.

I couldn't love others because the truth is, I didn't love myself and trust me, there is nothing worse than being stuck in a room with someone you dislike and that person is you.

I have been avoiding anything that can potentially hurt me...especially love and relationships. Which is really the greatest thing there is in this world.

And that's what this post is about.

This is to remind myself at whatever stage of my life that:
1) Don't feel sorry for yourself - you have total control of your life and YOU decide how your life turns out to be, no matter what the circumstances.
2) Be kind to yourself and love yourself first
3) Things will get better eventually, give it time
4) Don't be afraid to make your own mistakes - the best thing is you get to learn something from each mistake you make
5) Don't let other people put you down
6) Surround yourself only with those who make you become a better person
7) Don't worry too much!
8) Grow up
9) Things are worse when it's in your head - it's not as bad as you think it is!
10) Don't apologise for who you are
11) Learn to forgive - yourself and others