You said I’m a walking talking contradiction;
Wanting to be left alone, yet still offering to reach my arms out to you;
Baby, I’m just trying to be nice;
But you said I’m as cold as ice;
Darling, I’m that only under your temperament;
“Cold ice melts too. Just not around you”;
She storms out of the room;
Guilty is a note he sings once in a blue moon…
Fleeing birds in the snow,
Close my eyes, there you go...
Winter leaves falling slow,
Sweep the leaves, oh winter blow...
Freeze my heart, oh thick cold ice,
Cover the green and cover my eyes...
Say goodbye, my dear old friend,
Come summer breeze, I'll see you again...
It has been 10 years since we last met and a decade feels exactly like how I imagine it to be - long enough that it’s one third of my life but short enough to say that I remember you more vividly now than before.
Your goodbye was so much like you - quiet, no trails of outgoing footsteps, not a single noise and very thoughtful too. You hated troubling people and kept things to yourself and in your true classic fashion, left us just like that.
You made me feel safe and loved, and you were the one person who truly understood my little quirks like wanting to do things my way, being a night owl, my love for books and writing and my stubborn nature. And like the true gem you are, you accepted them and even gave me the wings to fly!
Ever since you left, I see great views on the mountains but find it hard to take that plunge...and then I figured it was always you who gave that final push every time I had serious doubts. Since you left, I struggled to find my bearing and in a way, my sense of self because I always looked up to you for that reassurance.
Ayah, my heart aches less these days but when it does, it hurts bad. Whenever that happens, my heart weeps but by the grace of God, I can almost hear your voice telling me “you can do it, pick yourself up and keep going, Nabila!”
I see you in your brothers and sisters. I see you in Ilyas - so much of you is in him and I rejoice seeing him because a part of me feels that you're here...that you never really left, you just gave parts of yourself to others.
